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Madison withdrawal

Dealing with my JMU past before I can take on the future

By Ashley Lusk ('06),
Clemson University English Department, MAPC

Skyline Area of JMU campus

Skyline Area of JMU campus

"It goes by so fast," she said.

"Yup," I replied, inwardly rolling my eyes at the nostalgic JMU alumna.

"Take it in. Take it all in," she said with a wistful smile.

We've all had to go through it at some point. The leaving, the alumni status change, having our access to so much JMU-ness suddenly taken away. As a sophomore, I certainly couldn't understand the alumna and her family who had "piggybacked" into Gifford Hall to take a look at the renovations. She quietly walked to her old room and knocked on the door. The new tenants were noisy and messy and the alumna explained to me that when she lived there the room was spotless and much smaller. The new temperature sensitive A/C and heater seemed to dismay her; she had used the windows and an old coil heater to keep the temperature regulated. She left seeming disappointed.

Senioritis

By the end of my senior year, I kept telling everyone that I was "ready to go." In many ways, my time at JMU had taken its wear on me -- I had been a resident assistant for two years and a hall director my senior year. I'd watched so many friends come and go, been in relationships and all they incur, and really delved into my classes. Emotionally, I was drained and felt that I needed to move on to something more "grown up."

Teaching at Clemson

It's been a year since then and not a day goes by I'm not nostalgic of my time as a Duke. As a graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I find myself comparing my "new" school to my "old" school. It's hard to say that one school is better than the other, they're very different; but I find that I continue to long for my ultra-friendly campus among the mountains. During the first week of teaching English 103 at Clemson, I wore one of my JMU shirts. Needless to say my new students weren't sure what to do with purple and gold ... they only know purple and orange! One thing is for sure, every person I meet here immediately recognizes my intense love for my Madison.

"... sometimes I swear they created that university around me. Ironically, every other student believes that as well."

This year, I'd decided to spend part of my Spring Break from graduate school there (much to the confusion of many people who assumed I'd get my final Spring Break suntan at a tropical locale). I've been to visit Harrisonburg at least seven or eight times in the year since I graduated; my boyfriend is still a student there. Most of the time I relegate myself to staying away from campus because of how awkward I feel: I don't have a JAC card to "punch" with, I don't have any friends to visit there because they've all graduated too, Harrisonburg is building up and up, and the other day I couldn't remember which back road would lead to the mall. Everything that was once familiar has been taken away.

A university created around me

Truly, the campus that once made me feel so at home, so much like the true me, had turned against me. I felt an ultimate sense of betrayal! And then, this morning as I prepared to return to my new school in South Carolina, I realized why I was so forlorn. Somehow, I had expected JMU to stop and mourn the loss of me and my time there. I wanted there to never be another hall director of Logan Hall (although Krystal, you're doing a great job!). I didn't want the Quad to belong to any other barefoot kids looking at the stars. I wanted those teachers that had meant so much to me to swear they'd never teach another student as bright as me. JMU is like that, it's very personal; sometimes I swear they created that university around me. Ironically, every other student believes that as well.

JMU Quad

JMU Quad

JMU has continued to move very much the way it always has: toward bigger and better things. The new CISAT library is under construction and that much-needed parking deck (c'mon what happened to stylish architecture instead of cement?) off Main Street is completed. Many grassy areas are now cordoned off by chain-linked fences because students insist on putting their feet in the delicious coolness and the entire area around the stadium consists of more cement, cement, cement. Students are still checking that mailbox (2136) which belonged to me for four years (jokes on you, I still know the combination!), and some freshman student is sleeping in my very first bed away from home in Gifford 301.

Supporting JMU in other ways

Even more importantly, I am learning that I can still support JMU in other ways. I've considered forming another South Carolina chapter of Madison alumni so that other former students in the upstate area can gather to discuss our common experiences. Homecoming has taken on a whole new meaning as the former lethargic Saturday morning stroll to D-hall before the game has been replaced with months of planning and preparation on who's bringing the grill and how much purple clothing appropriately expresses "purple out."

Always bleed purple

Suddenly, I understand what the nostalgic alumna felt because I am her now. JMU didn't miss a beat after we left but continued to love and leave its students like the eternal heartbreaker. I know that I'm not the first to feel this way, to miss that place so much -- luckily I have great friends who I can talk about the "old times" with, who understand all the nuances of much beloved Madison. I know, I know, it's only been a year, but I miss JMU everyday. And although I know that it will never be the same as it was for four short years, I do know I will bleed purple for the rest of my life.