Ten Ways to Remain Kindred in Isolating Times

By: Kathy Guisewhite

Years ago, as a counseling intern, I worked in a local retirement community under the supervision of their nurturing chaplain.  She had devoted much of her life’s career to the service of older adults and by such, she had gained much wisdom.  Among the many valuable things I learned from her was this remarkable insight.  The illness that is most fatal among older adults is living with a lack of purpose.

We can all understand the need to feel we are contributing in some way.  We want to be valued and to recognize the value in others.  We want to feel like our lives have meaning and that by being here, we evoke something positive for those around us.  We also are aware that as folks age, changes can occur in housing arrangements, mobility needs, and health vulnerabilities that can deter social engagement.  In fact, we recognize at this time in our nation’s history, we must isolate our older adults in order to best shield them from the pandemic taking place.  So how might we also work to keep their emotional lives healthy?  How might we bear in mind the deep need for connection, purpose, and intergenerational engagement?

Valley Program for Aging Services (VPAS) and James Madison University’s Institute for Innovation in Health and Human Services (IIHHS) supports the Caregivers Community Network.  This is a one credit class that enables students to be trained to offer respite to caregivers of those 60 years old and older.  Students make weekly visits throughout the semester and engage older adults who are frail or living with dementia in evidence-based activities that stimulate the mind and lift the spirit.  Caregivers use these visits as respite to invite more balance and self-care into their own lives, which will then better equip them to care for those they love. 

There are many benefits to this model, but the intergenerational component is worthy of praise.  There is a vitality that flows between these very different generations, and students find purpose in service learning, while those they visit find purpose in sharing their life stories and wisdom with the students.  We see time and again the merits of intergenerational interactions and how this positively contributes to the greater good of our society at large.

In light of the pandemic, students are currently no longer able to make these visits, and families are feeling this loss.  Out of this circumstance, students are being encouraged to think ‘outside of the box’ and find new ways to remain in contact with these families who are now even more confined.  Perhaps all of us can be reminded of the importance in staying socially engaged with those who are older and more vulnerable to social isolation.  Here is a list of ways to be socially supportive in healthy ways at this time.

1. Snail mail! Make a card yourself or engage children who are home from school in making cards.  Include newspaper cartoons, jokes and riddles, funny stories from your life!  Toss in some photos!  Toss in a stick of gum or a tea bag!  Tape the envelope closed rather than licking it shut!
2. Phone calls! There is nothing like hearing the voice of one we care about! Set up specific times to call not just to check in, but to share stories.  At the end of conversations, name a topic to talk about next time you chat! Read each other favorite poems! This will invite engagement in planning as well as the pleasure of having something to look forward to!
3. Visit by phone but also while you are outside of a window! Let your eyes and smiles meet!  What joy to see each other, if even through glass!
4. There are some older adults who are not tech-savvy. By phone, help them order meals that can be delivered to their door. Read them menus, order online, discuss how to make payments.  Similarly, groceries can be ordered online.  Perhaps you could help with pick up and again wave to these dear ones through the door upon delivery!
5. For those who are tech-savvy, plan some times to face time, or play online games together. Send them links of things you could both watch and discuss later!
6. Mail them something they can work on and then mail back to you! Have your children write a list of questions or make up a ‘mad libs’ they can fill in parts and you fill in parts!  Give them a story prompt like:  What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you in elementary school?  Be sure to enclose a stamped envelope for them to use to return!
7. Leave some springtime flowers on their front porch or by their apartment door!
8. Extend comfort. Listen deeply and with patience.  Acknowledge the difficulty of this time, but also highlight the good efforts all around us.  Listen to concerns and ask if they need additional support for specific matters.  Ask if they need help in accessing the additional support.  Things that may need consideration:  getting medications, having good phone access, food and water needs, financial guidance, navigating medical appointments, and transportation.
9. Offer to speak with caregivers when their loved ones are resting or out of the room. Give them the time to process aloud what it is like to care for a loved one round the clock in the midst of a pandemic.  Engage in some mindful practices with them via phone.
10. Wash your hand. Paint it with a cheerful colored paint and press it onto a heart cut out of paper.  Let it dry.  Send it to one who needs a reminder that they are always in your heart.  Encourage them to put the heart to their heart and press their hand to your handprint.  In mind, heart, and spirit… we are together in care.