After the Shooting:
What Parents Can Do
As a parent, one of your most important concerns is the
safety and wellbeing of your child.
When a horrific act of violence happens, such as this
shooting at
After the shooting, your
children may have...
• a need to talk about it.
Your children may repeat stories
regarding this event many times. Even shy ones will open up to strangers about
what they saw on television, heard from others, and felt about the victims.
Many will worry about what happened to others and will ask many questions.
• nightmares and trouble sleeping.
Your children may be afraid to go
to sleep or wake up frightened from bad dreams.
• concerns about being alone.
Some children are afraid of being
left alone anywhere, even if it’s only in another room at home. Yours may cling
to you and may even want to sleep with you at night. They may be afraid of
leaving home to go to school.
• worries and fears.
Children may pay closer attention
to the news. Most will be much more vigilant about the possible dangers in our
community. They may become apprehensive on everyday trips and in doing typical
errands. And if they perceive any threat or hint of aggression, they may
immediately believe that another shooting is on the way.
• vivid memories of the shooting.
Many young people will picture in
their minds detailed and powerful scenes from televised reports of the
shooting. It’s almost as if they have their own internal videotape that replays
their experiences whenever there’s a reminder of the shooting. They may write
poetry or draw pictures of the scene. Young children may act out the event in
their play.
• trouble sitting still.
Your children may now be more
active, have problems paying attention, and be more impatient.
• upset feelings or no feelings at all.
Many children will become much more
sensitive. They will become upset easily and become angry quickly. But others
may seem to become numb or unfeeling. They may not show any sadness or anger,
but they also may not show any joy either. It’s as if they are closing
themselves off from any future hurt or threat.
• physical problems? .
Your child may suffer from
headaches, stomach aches, nausea, and fatigue.
These are just some of the common, temporary reactions
children can have to a shooting. Keep in mind that these are normal responses
to an abnormal event. Fortunately, there are some simple steps you can take to
help your children through these difficult times.
You can help your children
by...
• listening.
It may be painful, but the best thing you can do
for children is to listen to them talk about the shooting. Younger children may
be drawing pictures of the shooting or acting it out in their play. Talking,
drawing and play-acting are healthy and natural ways for children to work
through their reactions.
• comforting.
Feel free to hold and comfort your
children more during this time. They are reaching out to you for security right
now, and a little extra love and affection won’t spoil them.
• reassuring.
You can also reassure your
children that they are now safe. Remind them that you and other caring
adults are taking precautions to protect them.
• teaching.
Tragedies are opportunities
for children to learn the most important lessons of life – what it means to be
part of a loving family and caring community. Take advantage of this chance to
teach your children these basics.
• praising.
Children often show
strengths, such as thoughtfulness, kindness and hope, in troubled times.
You can point with pride to their feelings of compassion and concern. Be
generous with your praise.
• not being over-protective.
This may be the most difficult for
you to do, but you must fight the temptation to over-protect your children. It
may be very hard even to let them out of your sight, but it’s important that
they return to a regular routine as soon as possible.
• being a good
example.
Actions speak louder than words,
and by your actions, you can set an example for your children of how to handle
these reactions in a productive way.
• encouraging children to help.
You may encourage your children to
offer help to others. For example, they may want to donate toys to the
domestic violence shelter or send a message of support to the
victims.
• seeking help
if your children are suffering severe problems.
If your children have had serious
losses, such as the death of a loved one, or the destruction of a home or farm,
they may need more help. See a professional if they are having extreme
reactions to the shooting, such as repeated nightmares, flashbacks, crying
spells, behavior problems, and panic reactions. Talk to your child’s
pediatrician, teacher, or school counselor for a recommendation.
Anne Stewart, Ph.D.
Lennis Echterling, Ph.D.
After the Shooting:
How You Can Help
All of us have been deeply
affected by the tragic events that have taken place at Virginia Tech. We
have been shocked by the scenes of violence and our sense of security has been
shaken. We worry about how the survivors are doing as they deal with
heartache, grief and anguish. Please keep in mind that you do not have to
be in
Reach Out.
Now is the time that you can
reach out to others. Especially if you know people who have a connection to
Virginia Tech, you have an opportunity to comfort, reassure and console. If
they live near you, then you can lend an empathic ear to their concerns. If they
are far away, you can give them a telephone call, send an email or write a
card. However you connect, you can offer emotional support to those who
have been affected by the recent horrific event. You may be worried that you
don’t know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. There
are no magic words or slogans, but you can make a difference by being there for
others. They may forget your exact words, but they will remember your presence
and compassion.
Take Heart.
You have witnessed the
violence and pain through the media. Be sure to also notice the many stories of
resilience and sacrifice. Let yourself be inspired by the courage of
those who risked their own lives to protect others. Allow yourself to be
encouraged by the dedication of security officers and emergency medical teams
who responded so unselfishly. Be touched by the many gestures of support
that parents, teachers and friends have offered. It’s essential that you
acknowledge the heartache and suffering, but don’t lose heart about the future.
Make
Meaning.
The media have shown you a
shocking story of random acts of violence of heartbreaking proportions. There
is neither a simple nor logical explanation of the tragedy; however you can
bring meaning by being a part of the healing process. You can acknowledge the
depth of pain and offer your own random acts of kindness to help others to heal
and be comforted. The senseless actions of one troubled individual have
wreaked havoc and confusion. Your actions can help reaffirm our collective
sense of meaning, trust and wellbeing in life.
Give Thanks.
During this painful time, it
is especially important to give thanks to those who bring safety and security
to your life. Of course, you have shown your appreciation to your friends
and family for their kind touches. And you can make a deliberate effort
to take every opportunity to thank such people as security personnel who work
to protect our community, responders who help us survive medical emergencies,
educators who have dedicated their lives to mentoring youth, and countless
people who bring richness and joy to our lives.
Give Blood.
Tragically,
blood has been shed and you can donate life-giving blood as one concrete and
important act of healing. Virtually all of us will face a time of great
vulnerability in which we will need blood. And that time is all too often
unexpected. To find out where you can donate, visit www.givelife.org or call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE (1-800-448-3543).
Make a Donation.
One fast and practical way to
make a positive difference is to contribute to local organizations that are
dedicated to reduce all forms of violence in your community. Domestic violence
shelters, organizations preventing child abuse, conflict mediation are just a
few examples. You can donate your time, money and needed materials that
support efforts to bring safety, peace and security to individuals and families.