I can now retire from politics after having had "Happy Birthday" sung to me in such a sweet, wholesome way.

-- John F. Kennedy after Marilyn Monroe's sultry birthday serenade

 

AND JOHN EDGELL ('83) CAN NOW RETIRE FROM POLITICS -- having hacked off the Terminator in such a sweet, wholesome way.

Edgell is truly an anomaly. The Capitol Hill lobbyist takes a serious, disciplined approach to politics. Yet he pulls Lucy Ricardo-like stunts such as bowling with frozen chickens to rail against Tyson; Edgell is a Democrat, but lobbies for Republicans; and he crows about his achievements, yet can be annoyingly modest.

And he possesses something disturbingly lacking in Washington: a soul.

Witness his latest political adventure. His efforts to raise money for charity have splashed the Edgell name all over the country. At this moment, the major media are wearing out the batteries in his Blackberry. Edgell's David-and-Goliath story has been covered by the Associated Press, Reuters, Knight-Ridder, ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, CNBC, Jay Leno, The New York Times, The Washington Post, and, yes, even the Daily News-Record of Harrisonburg.

You must have heard the story by now: John Edgell has bumped up against that notorious political meteor, the Kennedy-in-Law, Beefcake Bad Boy, the Gropenfuhrer himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger. The California governor has struck back; and it's all over a bobblehead.

Simply put, Edgell put the Governator's head on one of those bouncy little bigheaded dolls, and Schwarzenegger sued.

"Try Googling 'Schwarzenegger' and 'bobblehead,' then you'll spend the next four years reading all the results," Edgell says.

The cheery doll's wide-eyed grin didn't bother Arnold. It must have been the large machine gun in the Republican governor's hand. And it all started so harmlessly.

Edgell sits in a booth at the Florida Avenue Grill in northwest Washington, D.C., a purely egalitarian greasy spoon. Vintage Edgell, the man of the people. He speaks with animated features and eloquence, the dark tousled Kennedy (or Kerry) haircut with only bits of gray and deep, weary eyes.

All Edgell wanted to do was raise $50,000 for the Kristen Ann Carr Fund For Sarcoma Research (www.sarcoma.com) in memory of a friend's stepdaughter who died of cancer. He had become friendly with Ohio Discount Merchandise, a firm that makes bobble-
heads. Edgell had been giving them ideas such as Rudy Giuliani and Hillary Rodham Clinton. The firm's biggest sellers are Anna Nicole Smith and Jesus Christ.

 

 

 

 

 

Then Ahhhhnold beckoned. As a father of two, Edgell says he is concerned about a politician/family man who has performed in extremely violent films that make Sam Peckinpah look like Chuck Jones. To prove his point, Edgell took a newspaper with Schwarzenegger's picture and showed it to children in his toddler's daycare. "Two of them did the machine gun," says Edgell, "spraying" the restaurant with imaginary bullets. "It's a pet peeve of mine, the effects of violent movies on our society."

So a Schwarzenegger bobblehead surfaced, and Edgell had a way to raise money for his special cause at the same time.

"We chose to shame him rather than make a political statement," Edgell says.

But to be fair, Edgell and his young son took a bobblehead to Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, at NBC Studios.

"They could not have been more classy," Edgell says. "Arnold looked at me and said, 'Oh, it looks like me. Good luck.'"

They sold $110,000 worth of Arnold
bobbleheads and, through an agreement, Edgell raised $25,000 for sarcoma research. Then the hammer came down. In May,
Arnold filed suit in Los Angeles County Superior Court, naming both Edgell and the firm, for unauthorized use of the former movie star's image. "Arnold the Litigator?" read The New York Times.

Schwarzenegger claimed that using the gun referred to his movie roles. Edgell countered that the doll's business suit and gun were not the star, the merchandising magnet, but the governor, the public figure and NRA supporter.

"Arnold made a campaign promise for an assault weapons ban, and he hasn't done anything about it," says Edgell.

Schwarzenegger settled the lawsuit Aug. 2 with the company and dropped the charges against Edgell.

But the JMU alum is not happy about it, promising to seek an injunction. The Ohio firm and the California governor agreed to donate the insurance money from the settlement to Schwarzenegger's charity, Arnold's All-Stars, and the purchase of a fire truck for a Canton, Ohio, department. (One of the company's principals is an elected official of the town. Politics again, go figure.)

Ohio Discount also will sell the bobble-
heads without the gun. Edgell was shut out.

"This completely violated my well-established charitable intentions," Edgell says.

Had "Arnold not diverted funds to his pet charity," he adds, the sarcoma charity would have reached its $50,000 fundraising goal.

But Edgell's mind is always working, remnants of his resourceful days in the SPE fraternity. Edgell is taking advantage of his raised profile as what The Washington Post calls "Washington Lobbyist and Bobblehead Guru John Edgell." He has already honored Arnold with a series of fine "Governor Girlie Man" products. The name is based on the politico's mocking comment in July about California Democrats.

First, the bust of the governor's head was placed on the body of a Jackie Kennedy bobblehead, complete with pink outfit and pumps. Thus the Girlie Governor. It makes a "unique stocking stuffer, wouldn't you say?" Edgell asks. T-shirts, already available at GovernorGirlieMan.com, greeting cards, urinal cakes and toilet paper will follow.

Edgell is represented pro bono by the First Amendment Project of Oakland, Calif., because he sees this as a serious constitutional issue. The Schwarzenegger bobblehead, Edgell argues, is legitimate satire of a public figure. "The very values that our men and women are fighting for in Afghanistan and Iraq are represented in the Constitution, including the freedom to express political views," he says.

So, explains Edgell's Web site slogan: "Poking Fun at Politicians is Serious Business. Support Satire; Support Free Speech."

He says the episode transformed him from essentially a "passive investor to an engaged entrepreneur." He says he has learned about "direct-to-consumer" distribution based on the Internet. He is working on two other Internet firms, one a database that raises funds by merging disparate data to serve political campaigns, and an innovative Web portal for viewing campaign commercials.

Edgell says he owes much of his canny ability to learn the ropes of business to "the calming and wise voice of Carl Weaver," his JMU adviser and a popular finance professor, from whom Edgell took four classes.

Arnold picked the wrong guy to bully.

-- Patrick Butters ('83)